The Changing Faces and Phases Of The Moon
by Raven Sage
Summary: (aka warning) The internal battle continues... J/C (chaps 1-4 present 5-13 past)
1. Warning

Disclaimer: This song is incubus's song. I take no credit for it. Just the credit of interpreting it like I did.  
  
  
  
"Warning"  
  
by incubus  
  
Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly,  
  
count your blessings, seduce a stranger.  
  
What's so wrong with being happy?  
  
Kudos to those who see through sickness.  
  
When she woke in the morning  
  
she knew that her life had passed her by.  
  
And she called out a warning,  
  
"Don't ever let life pass you by."  
  
I suggest we learn to love each-other before it's made illegal.  
  
When will we learn? When will we change?  
  
Just in time to see it all fall down.  
  
Those left standing... will make millions...  
  
writing books on the way it should have been.  
  
When she woke in the morning  
  
she knew that her life had passed her by.  
  
And she called out a warning,  
  
"Don't ever let life pass you by."  
  
Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi  
  
we are like frogs oblivious to the water starting to boil.  
  
No one flinches, we all float face down.  
  
When she woke in the morning  
  
she knew that her life had passed her by.  
  
And she called out a warning,  
  
"Don't ever let life pass you by." 


	2. Suicide Notes

Disclaimer: Paramount owns all. We are their slaves. Bow down to the mighty corporation. I shall forever watch your TV channels your TV shows I watch your movies I visit your amusement parks. I am forever your slave. Everything I write of is yours all mighty one except for the story. I bow for I need not money o' Mighty one for doing what I love even if it sucks. I bow on last time hoping to leave you in peace. AMEN.  
  
In all of my stories excuse my spelling and my grammar!  
  
A/N: IF you are a fan of voyager "books" then you have most likely read the book "Mosaic" by Jeri Taylor. If you haven't you really should. In the book Kathryn attempts suicide twice. Once obviously and another time subtly. I thought that it would be fun to see everyone's hero feel sorry for herself then try something stupid with an added factor then watch the story unravel its self. I got the inspiration from that song "warning" (disclaimer for that subject is in the fist chapter) I think everyone feels helpless sometimes and have wondered about something that our society looks down. If you can relate to this story call a hotline.  
  
  
  
  
  
Her life was all that terrible wasn't it? She didn't have anything she wanted. And all she wanted was him. Nothing was keeping her from him, seven was out of the picture Kathryn was alone. The only thing keeping her away from him was her. And the truth was that she couldn't help it. She didn't know how to say it. All of this made her head spin. Every time she tried to find the root of the problem it all came back to her. She was so unhappy and everyone was unhappy with her. She knew what to do. She had attempted suicide many times long before but she had always found a reason not to. This time she had immersed herself in solitude. Nothing could stop her, no one could talk her out of it. It was written all over her. She looked desperate, weak and sad. She looked like she lost her best friend and from her perspective she had. Speaking of Chakotay she had just finished her note for him. When someone eventually found her they would find PADD's with recorded messages for all of them. She told Harry not to worry, she told the doctor there was no way for him to have known, she told seven that she was proud of her and that she never wanted this to be her example, she told B'Elanna and Tom that she wished them a happy marriage. She left Chakotay with a small message. "She's yours, name her Helen." Kathryn laughed. She'd love to see the sick look on his face. She'd love to hear him scream about how crazy she was or had become. Kathryn cleared her mind. She looked up into the rainy sky. She smiled she was finally going to be released. In the process everyone would be better off except for two people. And they were the reason she decided to do this anyway, Chakotay and her unborn child. 


	3. Taking The Jump

A/N: the beginning sounded way sick but I just needed to set Kathryn's state of mind. No, I am not crazy or twisted.  
  
A/N2: Excuse my spelling and grammar! I also think that with characters like this you can have love with excitement and things (good or bad).  
  
Chakotay ran down the street. He had finally figured out what he wanted to do with his life, the rest of it at least. He wanted to spend it with her, with Kathryn. After all these months, he had finally organized himself. He had made plans, he was going to do something with himself and she was going to help him. She was going to be his support. Chakotay paused to breath. He was confusing himself. While stopping to breathe Chakotay heard something drop. He stopped and looked around. He had dropped the box. He was about to pick it up but he stopped. He fell to his knees, what was he doing? After more than half a year, he was going to show up and be accepted just like that? But he had to make it up to her, its what she deserved and it was what they both wanted, right? He really loved her, he had told her that months ago and he had everything he wanted. But that morning when he woke up he didn't know what to do. So he left with out saying anything, not even goodbye, he just left. To any average person it would seem that he was using her and in a way, he was. He hoped that she didn't agree or he was out of luck. Chakotay picked up the box and started down the street again. While running, he checked the box to make sure that the ring was still there, and it was. Chakotay soon became oblivious to the rain. He was already soaking wet anyway. He hoped that Kathryn wouldn't mind.  
  
"Damn, does this road ever end?" Chakotay had been running down the dirt road for almost a half an hour. The place was almost totally isolated the place closest to it had to be 5 miles away. Finally, Chakotay stopped running. He was standing in front of some sort of lake. Above it was some sort of waterfall. The view was spectacular he could see why Kathryn chose to live here in contrast to her apartment in San Francisco. He looked up at the cliff. There he saw what looked like a neighborhood child playing on top of the rocks. He then shifted his stare to the lake below him. If anyone was to fall from the top, there was no doubt that they'd drown.  
  
"Better be careful." He mumbled even if the kid couldn't hear him. Chakotay turned toward Kathryn's house. Chakotay heard a loud noise. It seemed as if some rocks had fallen. Chakotay turned abruptly. What if the kid had fallen? He turned and what he saw scared him, the child had fallen.  
  
"Hold on" he screamed,  
  
"Don't be afraid, I'm coming!" the poor kid must have been scared out of his mind. The rock was so high that he hadn't even fallen yet. The child was falling at an amazingly fast rate. And as the child neared the water he realized why. The person wasn't a kid. No not at all. He studied the body. Short chestnut hair, fair skin, and short height. But her physique was way off. And as Kathryn hit the water it dawned on him. Now he had two very important reasons to get to the water faster than he had thought. 


	4. From The Cliff To The River

A/N: OMG I've been getting random reviews from people on this ooooolllllldddddd story of mine. Although I haven't posted a story in like forever LOL we'll I decided I'd go head and try it out. 

So be rough be soft be whatever just review it 

LOL I'M STILL LEAVING YOU "HANGIN" LOL I'm not a serious person but I write serious LMAO THAT MADE NO SENSE 

I should do a parody they seem to be popular now days……….. 

Okay with no further ado here ya go……… 

By the way I didn't proof so kindly point out mistakes and I'll fix them….  
  


(=/\=) 

The moments were all a blur. Chakotay ran to the water hoping that he had made it in enough time. He ripped off his uniform top and dove into the water. The water was clear and he could easily see he limp body below. He tore through the freezing cold water. He felt as if he was in a different world. The water's transparency brought comfort to his turbulent thoughts but the feelings of worry threatened to impend on his clarity of mind. He beat and tore at the water but he still felt as if he was going nowhere. He kept seeing her at the same distance only an arms length away yet he couldn't reach her. After a few seconds that felt like a lifetime Chakotay grabbed her shirt. He then started flailing his legs making to the two bodies rise to the surface. 

When they reached the surface he took a deep restrained breath. His arms and legs worked tiredly but they worked. Half way to land Chakotay checked for breathing. He knew he could have waited but he judged that he wasn't making it to land anytime soon. Her pulse was weak and he felt no breath on his cheek. It was then that he knew it was his fault. All of it could have been prevented. They could have lived a happy life. But now no one was going to live a happy life, and to think he thought everything would be okay and forgotten. That there would be tears of happiness and perhaps joy in perpetual understanding. It was sickening to think he was expecting her to give him her world when he had stole it from her all those months ago. He let the sun, the moon, and the stars go and he was never going to get them back. He fought back the tears. There was no point and feeling sorry for himself now. He had been doing it all this time. He temporarily tapped his world back together and hoped that it would hold until he got her out of the water. 

He had created a system. Arm, kick, pull…arm, kick, pull. He didn't have the time it took to get the shore, but he was going to have to make it. So each repetition was faster and faster he accepted no less from himself. He surely thought his body would stop working from numbness but the heat from the body next to him kept him going although it just wasn't the heat. When he had seriously taken all he could handle he pushed his last stroke hard and glided a few feet further bringing him to shore. He grabbed on to her shoulders and pulled as gently as he could. He laid her softly on the sand and dropped down next to her. Bring his ear to her mouth and his hand to her chest he checked for breathing. He got nothing. Franticly he took his two fingers and placed them on her neck. He sighed, there was a pulse, her heart was still beating but it beat even fainter than before. Chakotay raised his hands high and balled them into a fist. He applied one light blow to her diaphragm and then started pumping her chest. He counted silently until he got to the last pump. 

"Fifteen" he listened for a breath but nothing came. He pinched her nose and used his other hand to raise up her chin. He breathed air into her lungs. There was no response. He prayed and tried again. He pumped her chest three times. The fourth time water spouted from her lungs out of her mouth. Kathryn rolled to her side and coughed. She coughed long and hard forcing the water out of her warn lungs. When she had gotten most of it out she rolled back to her original position. Chakotay watched her try to clear the haze from her mind. He took no chances and set into action. He didn't need her to freak out while he was trying to help her. It would only result in more injury mentally or physically that was… to both parties. He checked over her body slowly. She had taken quiet a fall and was lucky to be alive but being alive didn't mean she wasn't injured. As far as he knew she could stop breathing any second. He shivered, she was injured more now then he had ever seen her injured in there entire time together. Fate had dished her out one dislocated shoulder, two broken ribs perhaps three and that wasn't even all of it. She also had what looked like a shattered knee and to top it all off a head injury, which was bleeding uncontrollably. Weighing all of his options carefully he came to a conclusion. He had to move her. He questioned it of course, everyone knew that moving a person with such injuries was dangerous. It could and probably would worsen them. It would be taking a risk but he had to. For Kathryn's sake, and for the other life she had attempted to kill. 

Carefully lifting her up, he straightened his back and headed for her house. After a 40 meter jog he reached her front door. He busted through the door and surveyed his surroundings. He decided it would be best if he laid her on a bed instead of a hard floor. Quickly he climbed the stairs and stopped at the first room. From the appearance of it, it was her main bedroom. He carefully laid her down on the bed. It wasn't until his grip loosened and he took a step back that he saw the real damage done. He took a step back in horror. 

"My god Kathryn what have you done?" The tears fell down his wet cheeks on to his already soaked uniform. He saw a mixture of anger and sorrow in her now cloudy blue eyes. It was also evident on her bewildered face. 

"Why didn't you say anything, why didn't you call or write or…" the weak voice whispered interrupting him. 

"I…" he didn't have a good answer. Even if he did it could do nothing to sooth the pain he knew she felt. 

"Seven months is a long time to go with out speaking." Chakotay opened his mouth to defend himself. 

"I needed… I needed…" she interrupted him again this time her voice lost it's soft defeated sound. Instead the voice was cold and bitter but it was still a weak harsh whisper. 

"You needed time to think? How much? A few days? A month maybe? Two I would have tried to understand but seven. And its sad when you can't even explain yourself. Its sad when you haven't even thought of lying." She took a short shallow breath and waited for his response. 

"You're right, seven months is a long time to think. But isn't that is long as you've been thinking." She visibly winced. Chakotay kicked himself for saying that. She looked at him unbelievably. 

"No, no I haven't." She said detached. 

"I left Starfleet only two months ago on leave." Chakotay gawked. 

"Two months…how… did they…?" She turned her head away. 

"No, they didn't." Chakotay nodded. 

"But that's impossible." She shot him a cold look. 

"Really? Impossible, I can assure you that it's not." Chakotay pulled away quickly. 

"Like you would know." Chakotay said dumbly. 

"How would you? You didn't know! So obviously I was good at hiding it. But then again not like you were actually anywhere near earth." Chakotay felt his face hot with shame and anger. 

"How could you blame this on me." She frowned deeply. Chakotay watched carefully, there was rage in her. That was a good thing. 

"Blame? I'm not blaming anything on anyone but myself. I should have known. Its who you are." Chakotay weighed what she had said. 

"What I am… how could you say something like that Kathryn?" He thought out loud. She looked at him again he eyes flashing with emotion. 

"HOW COULD I?" She took a deep breath and continued. 

"Why is it me. Why can't it be you. Why would you leave me like that, why would you mot make any contact at all. HOW COULD YOU!" Chakotay let himself go off. 

"WHY YOU ASK? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUMPED FROM THAT CLIFF. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S CRAZY! " He regretted his words the instant they stumbled from his lips. She looked at him with disappointment. He was suppose to be the cool head, the adult. But again he had failed her. He watched as tears sprung to her eyes. He noted how she acted like they were acid burning her skin. Unless… 

"Kathryn?" he said softly but there was no reply. He watched her head roll on to her shoulder. He stepped away in disbelief. 

"Kathryn?" he said louder. Again she lay there lifeless. 

"KATHRYN?" he screamed but he knew it was in vain. He felt this terror force the adrenaline through his veins. He ran down the stairs to look for the communicator. It was a foreign house but he knew where he would find it. She had a system. Things always went in the same place no matter where she was. He knew he could find it on a desk in view of the door. He made his way over to the desk. Slamming his fist on the machine, he started it. He searched through her index to if he could find the number he needed. When he found it he quickly had the communicator establish contact. The man that appeared on the screen seem surprised to see him. 

"Chakotay!" the man said pleasantly. 

"How far away are you from my current position?" Chakotay asked hurriedly. The face furrowed its brow and frowned 

"Nice to see you too." Chakotay took a deep breath. He wasn't in the mood. 

"How long!" Chakotay demanded. The man was taken aback by the rudeness of the comment but answered anyway. 

"Ten minutes maybe…" Chakotay interrupted. 

"If you can make it five I swear that I'll answer all the questions you want. Hell, I'll even make the tea and crumpets." The man looked at him questioningly. 

"Why…" Chakotay cleared his throat. 

"It's a medical emergency." The man rose from his seat. 

"In that case make it 2 minutes." Chakotay smiled in gratitude and closed the link. Chakotay sighed, he didn't know if he had two minutes to spare. 

OKAY TIME TO DO YOUR PART……. 

Aka REVIEW MY FRIGGIN STORY hehehehe sMiLE 

BYE BYE 

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW 

LOL HOME HYPNOSIS 


	5. Weaving The Future

A/N: You asked for it so here it is… I think the next few chapters are going to be past instead of present k? Remember I forgot to check it for big mistakes… 

Please KINDLY point them out 

Thanks again J 

(=/\=) 

"When was the last time you went out Milady?" he was trying valiantly to get her to go out with him. He didn't care where, when, or why as long as it was with her. But the look on her face was passive as it was normal though it was a little bit more amused than usual. 

"What are you suggesting Milord?" She asked with a hint of laughter evident in her voice. Chakotay shrugged. 

"Hmmm… establishing a courtship?" She rested her head on her elbow. 

"With no strings attached?" she asked quietly. Chakotay weighed the question in his mind. 

"But Milady aren't there are always stings attached." Chakotay stated more than questioned. They often use to have conversations without direct words all the time. It was beginning to remind him of the old days. He watched with anticipation as a smile pulled at the corners or her mouth. She always treading on thin ice, she learned along time that voicing any of her feelings could lead to heartbreak or disappointment. But the look in his eyes told her that it wasn't going to happen this time. His accelerated breathing jarred her out of her thoughts. 

"Yes." Her voice was barely above a whisper. Chakotay leaned against the desk casually so she couldn't see the pain on his face when she rejected him. He had planned it all out. He would be a little more charming than usual, polite, and flash his dimples just a little bit more than usual. Chakotay wasn't usually full of himself but he thought he had a pretty good chance especially with the dimples. What did B'Elanna call it again? Oh yeah "woman's choice." He almost shivered. The way she said it made him feel like a piece of meat. Which to a man isn't degrading, just depended on whose meat he was… 

"Yes what?" He asked jubilantly trying to keep his moods up. He hoped he could play his cards right. Maybe if he was lucky she'd do it all for him. Kathryn cleared her throat. She had to answer the question simply but fully. Usually she was good with conversation but today wasn't' one of her better days, or maybe it way the person involved in the conversation. She hated talking to his back. It made her guilty reminding her of all the times she turned her back on him, metaphorically speaking. But they were even now. There shouldn't be any back turning, especially if he was asking what he was asking. 

"Yes, there are always strings attached and…" She stopped suddenly. She was really getting annoyed at talking to his back. Besides perhaps she could use the chance to turn the tables on him. It was his turn to melt he had been playing her for ten minutes already. 

"Chakotay, would you mind…I know this is silly but would you mind turning around. I prefer talking face to face." She said slowly, dangerously, but sweetly low. She watched amusingly as he turned around obediently almost like a dog. With those eyes and those dimples he could sit if not lay on any of the furniture in her home. As Chakotay spun around quickly he knew his plan was in shambles. The only thing he had left to count on was the and… 

"And what?" He said quickly. He was definitely using up some of her thinking time. The more time she had to rethink her answer the worse. It he could just take her out once if he could just show her that it was worth it. He was just going to have to trust the coy look on her face, and hope it would talk to him. Usually her facial features talked to him in volumes. Only problem was that it took him 3 years to learn how to read them. She flashed him her modified famous grin. The grin meant especially for him. 

"Well you did want to hear a second yes didn't you?" Chakotay looked her in the eyes. She smiled playfully. Chakotay chided himself for wanting to frown. He knew she was doing this on purpose. 

"Of course I do. It's also one that I'm going to get too." She looked up at him with a questioning look on her face. 

"That was quiet brazen Commander. How can you be so sure?" He crossed his arms protectively and shrugged. 

"Honestly, I'm not that sure Captain." Kathryn stood up her eyes as level with his as she could get them. 

"Never let your opponent know the truth. If your going to be brazen be brazen but don't be insecure and never ever be wrong." Chakotay stood up straighter and uncrossed his arms. Kathryn took a deep breath and sat back down in to her chair. 

"For instance, I know that you're going to take me out to lunch." Chakotay grinned defiantly. 

"Really, how are you sure that I'm not asking you out to dinner." Kathryn pointed up at the ceiling. As if almost on cue a chime sounded. 

"It is now 1:00, it is time for lunch. It is time for lunch." Chakotay looked at her incredulously. 

"How…how…" Kathryn laughed lightly. No point in lying to him but she didn't have to be completely honest. Not like there wasn't anything to hide. She did eat every once in awhile before the alarm. It wasn't her fault she was busy. But he was who he was the man couldn't help but bother her. 

"Lets just say that the Doctor is just a little too concerned, most of the time." Chakotay laughed at the thought, he could only imagine the words that were 'exchanged'. But he didn't understand where the most of the time came from. That part hovered over him but he managed to swat any worrisome ideas from his mind. He already had the eight ball lined up. She was almost in the corner pocket. Then again she could have already been shot into the pocked he just couldn't tell yet. 

"Nova Boulevard," Chakotay said it loud and clearly making sure she heard no questing note in his voice. He didn't want to prompt ideas for things he didn't want to hear, see, or do. Kathryn looked up at him with an unreadable look in her eyes. 

"Alright then, lets go." Kathryn pushed in her chair and started to walk out the door. Chakotay didn't follow. She looked back at him tiredly. 

"What? Wait don't tell me… you left your other half at home." She said playfully. Chakotay laughed quietly. He liked her more proclaimed sense of humor. It was always there but she never had much time to give it the amount of attention he knew she thought it deserved. Chakotay thought of a way to use their playful banter. He smiled and answered back. 

"Actually I came to collect by better half and take her to lunch." She leaned against the doorframe. She always hated when he complemented her like this. She constantly found it hard to return the complement without sounding churlish but also without giving herself away. She groped for a playful response. 

"Well your better half if you will is about to leave with or without her inferior half." Chakotay chuckled. 

"For better or for worse." She laughed at the thought. Although she had always imagined… Chakotay smiled and continued. 

"Well I was honestly waiting for you to turn off your computer console. Just leaving it on is like leaving a confidential file in the hands of the media." She quirked an eyebrow at him, was there something that he thought she was hiding. 

"What an insult, do you actually think that'd I'd be so careless?" Chakotay shrugged. 

"Careless? No. Human? Yes. We all forget eventually." She placed her hands on her hips. 

"Are you accusing me of not being human Chakotay?" He glanced back at the screen facing him. 

"… I'm afraid of answering that question." She nodded in agreement. 

"You should be. Computer initiate Admiralsecuritybeta3." The computers monotone voice responded. 

"Program initiated." Kathryn straightened her uniform. He was really starting to get to her. But this was whom Chakotay was… she smiled slightly maybe if she only had a year or two she would enjoy it. 

"Chakotay please I'm hungry. Look its me and I'm actually asking you to eat." In reality she wanted to avoid the doctor hunting her down, chewing her up and spiting her out. But Chakotay ignored the comment and approached the desk. 

"What's on here, you know I'm really starting to get curious. What kind of files do you have on your Mem card? You know you can really tell a lot about a person by the files that are on their computer." Chakotay sat down in her seat and made himself comfortable. 

"Chakotay." She warned. 

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you." Chakotay waved her off. He was only trying to get a reaction out of her. He was testing her and he wondered if she knew it. He decided to push it closer to the edge. 

"What are you going to do? Have me arrested." Kathryn put her hands in the air with defeat. He didn't have to listen if he didn't want to but you would have thought he'd of learned by now. 

"Remember I warned you." Ignoring her again Chakotay went on and tried to access her files. Before he knew it there was a deafening sound in the room. 

"WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, A SECURITY TEAM WILL BE CALLED AND DISPATCHED IN 5… 4…" Chakotay jumped from his seat with surprise and ran out the door. Right after him came Kathryn laughing harder then he had ever seen her laugh before. She shut the door behind them and leaned up against it. This was unexpected but hilarious. She clutched her sides and laughed away. 

"Did… did you? …You should have seen… yourself… I told you… you … you should listen … listen more often." Felt his cheeks burn red with embarrassment. He wished she would let it go but he could tell this was something she'd remember for a long time. So instead of pouting he joined in laughing with her. They laughed until tears fell from their eyes. He hadn't felt this good in years. Hearing her laugh was one of the things he promised he'd do while he was there. He had accomplished number 3 on his list. They would have laughed longer but someone interrupted them. A fast click of boots on tile approached them. 

"ADMIRAL!" a stern voice said. 

"You were due for lunch half an hour ago!" Kathryn looked at him sympathetically; she wanted to leave for a reason. 

"Kathryn! Kathryn, are you listening to me?" She turned around slowly. 

"Yes I hear you Doctor," The doctor stomped up to her. 

"Why are you still here? Was that not the idea of the alarm?" Kathryn heard Chakotay laughing at her but she spun around and chided him with a stern look of her own. The Doctor sighed angrily. 

"Excuse me who ever you are but I would appreciate it if you would leave me and the Admiral to our own conversation." 

"That's a shame, most times I was begged to interrupt." The doctor sighed. 

"Who are you hiding Kathryn?" the doctor asked impatiently. Kathryn rolled her eyes. It was like going though high school all over again. The doctor was pretty damn embarrassing. If it wasn't for the doctor patient confidentiality protocols she would have lost complete faith in this moment. The doctor cleared this throat bringing her back around. 

"I have no time for games, and neither do you. You're an admiral for heaven's sakes. Who ever this strange person is I'd appreciate if you made them leave." The doctor brushed past her and opened her door. 

"There's no lunch in here! It is now 1:45 and I see no lunch in there what so ever. Didn't we already speak about this?" Kathryn held her breath to keep from laughing. She watched as Chakotay looked at her daringly. He was screaming go head that was with his look. 

"How can you assume that I wasn't going to lunch or that I haven't replicated it." The doctor turned around with scolding look on his face. 

"Alright then I will check. But off of the record I do believe you're up to something." Kathryn took a deep breath. 

"Who me Doctor?" The doctor shook his head and stepped into the room. 

"I don't see anything on the table…" 

"WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, A SECURITY TEAM WILL BE DISPATCHED TO YOUR LOCATION IN 5… 4…" The doctor jumped into the air. And ran out of the room. The duet started to laugh uncontrollably. 

"I swear I'm going to have that alarm disabled! You told me that you got rid of it!" The look on the doctor's face shut them up. She gulped. 

"I…I… Look who I found doctor." Chakotay stepped up from behind her. The doctor began to from but instead placed it with a forced and confused smile. 

"Commander?" Chakotay laughed and put out his hand. 

"Please doctors call me Chakotay." The doctor nodded. 

"It will definitely take some time to get use to but I'll try." Chakotay smiled. He noticed tension between Kathryn and the Doctor. He decided that maybe he should leave them to there own devices for a while. 

"Can you please point me to the restroom?" The doctor smiled and pointed behind him. 

"Behind me to the right." Chakotay smiled and thanked him. 

(=/\=) 

The doctor's look softened when Chakotay walked around the corner. The doctor sighed. 

"Are you setting yourself up for this?" Kathryn looked up at him with a hurt look on her face. 

"I don't know what you mean doctor." The doctor placed a hand on her shoulder. 

"Do you really want to spend the last of your days…" Kathryn looked up at him with a sad angry look in her eyes. 

"What doctor? Say it." The doctor removed his arm form her shoulder. 

"Broken hearted?" Kathryn tried not to let the tears fall but they did anyhow. 

"He wouldn't do it again… he couldn't." The doctor shook his head. 

"He will Kathryn and you know it." She shook her head. 

"No and don't you dare tell him. You'll scare him away." The doctor laughed bitterly. 

"No, it will guilt him into caring more than he usually does about others. It will make him stay. But its not what you want is it." She looked down. 

"No, it's not." The doctor leaned against the wall. 

"I just don't want you to get hurt. Is it so hard to understand that I care? That maybe I hurt too?" Kathryn joined him and leaned against the wall. 

"No its not." She whispered. She took his hand in hers 

"I understand what you mean, I've been there too." The doctor smiled weakly. 

"Then understand that I want you to be careful. I just want to see you broken not at a time like this either." She smiled and let go of his hand. 

"I promise." She got off of the wall and wiped her face with the corner of her sleeve. No one but him would ever have to know that Kathryn Janeway cried. Her eyes returned to there clear blue state and the whites of her eyes became even whiter. She smiled at the doctor one last time and made her way over to the hallway. Just on time Chakotay walked around the corner and they proceeded to leave for lunch. The doctor watched all of this from his spot on the wall. He knew what was going to happen but he tried to force the images from his mind. 

"Be happy know, worry later." He whispered. He collected himself and started to walk away. 

"Next time I'll remember to disable that alarm. I don't have the strength today." He smiled and headed back towards this office. 

A/N: For me this is a pretty long chapter LOL 

Alright then 

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I wonder if you guys can guess what all of this nonsense is about a few days etc………………. 

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	6. Dreaming Of Lake George

AN: Alrighty this chapter took me awhile to get done because I had other stuff to do lol that took up a great amount of time. I hope you like this chapter and always remember I have SAD grammar... lol 

The cabin on lake George…

It was nothing more than holding hands for the first week and a half. He could sense that that was the way she wanted it. At night he would shake his head. She was more open then she had ever been before but it still wasn't enough. He had only scratched her surface but inside he knew that was probably as far as he would get. He would bet money on the fact that she didn't know herself all that well either especially the part about what she wanted.

He decided that if he were going to scratch any deeper he would have to make the first move. He decided after along amount of thinking and pondering about the possibilities, which by the way where in his favor… that he would ask tonight about lake George. Hopefully and by the luck of the gods she would accept.

~

Chakotay served her half of the contents on the serving plate before heading back to the kitchen. When he had equally served himself he reached for the wine bottle and popped it open. Tonight they were having white wine at Kathryn's suggestion due to the dish. Since it was obviously apparent that she knew a lot more about wine than him, Chakotay followed her suggestion and obtained a bottle of white merlot year 2228. Chakotay grinned inwardly. There was a lot to say about having Tom Paris for a friend… sometimes that is. 

While pouring the wine slowly into the deep glass he watched the liquid fall into the cup gracefully. He smiled as the wine sparkled in the candlelight. That same sparkle was in her eyes. It wasn't a rare occurrence but it was a happy one, especially at a time like this.

"So Kathryn… I was thinking." She grinned with the soft candlelight brightening her smile.

"Thinking about what?" Chakotay shrugged as he settled into his seat at the other end of the table. He searched for away to voice his idea without sounding too forward.

"About a trip… maybe to Lake George." Kathryn picked up her wine glass and began to swirl its contents. Chakotay grinned as he saw how much more interested she seemed in the wine glass than the subject. But he waited obediently. He learned quickly to never assume things in life, especially when it comes to Kathryn.

"Hmmm… when might that trip be?" Chakotay picked up his fork and played around with the food on his plate.

"As soon as possible." Kathryn jerked up her head in surprise. She quickly caught the look on her face and changed it to something subtler. She tucked her hair behind her ear instinctively. She noticed how Chakotay looked at her with a pleading look in his eyes. She couldn't say no, besides when was the last time she had a real vacation… 8 years ago?

"Uh… I'd love too." Chakotay smiled instantly and pushed his fork into the middle of the plate. After devouring the contents on his fork he tried desperately to change the subject. Apparently she had the same idea. 

"Have you heard…" "Did you know…" their sentences collided in a clumsy manner. Kathryn smirked and looked back down at her wine glass. She spoke with a bit of humor evident in her voice.

"Please, you first. After all you are my guest." Chakotay shook his head.

"Whatever you had to say is probably more interesting than what I wanted to." She arched an eyebrow curiously. Sighing she continued.

"Well B'Elanna says that Miral is starting to mumble now days with a lot more control." She paused and laughed lightly.

"She thinks she starting to connect sounds with objects. Tom suspects that she's going to say her first word soon." Chakotay smiled as he watched the smile on her face. She always beamed with pride when she discussed the children of Voyager. She had taken to a special bond with Miral. Seven was independent and Icheb and Naomi where taken so it was only natural she would take to Miral. Besides the child was named after her favorite aunt that spoiled her to death. Then again who wouldn't indulge her? He was nudged from his thoughts softly as Kathryn continued. 

"She's a bit young, but she's a smart girl. In fact I'm not the least bit surprised." Chakotay nodded agreeing.

"It's the B'Elanna in her. But then again that makes me question her first word…" Chakotay laughed as she sent him a mock disciplinary look.

"Watch it, that's my goddaughter you're talking about Chakotay." Chakotay laid his fork down and became a tad bit more serious.

"Well if she's anything like her Aunt Kathryn then she'll have nothing to worry about at all." Kathryn chuckled and watched as Chakotay contently took a sip from his glass.

"Nice save mister." Chakotay cleared his throat.

"I find that impersonal. How bout Big strong commander." Kathryn stifled a laugh.

"That'll you have to earn." Chakotay laughed before their playful banter veered away from its original direction.

"Well it looks like it will be just Chakotay for a long time." She smiled and picked at her food. Chakotay watched her sigh and push away her plate after awhile. He had to admit she didn't eat much but he noticed that she tried. Kathryn yawned tiredly. Chakotay shook his head in a reprimanding way. Chakotay wished she would get more sleep.

"I think its time for you to get some rest." Kathryn looked up at him amusingly.

"We just had dinner, its still early." Chakotay shook his head.

"Must you be reminded that our so called evening meal was more of a nighttime snack. Its 12:30 now." Kathryn clapped her hands.

"Well then I bade you goodnight kind sir. Maybe I am actually tired tonight." Chakotay smiled.

"I'll do the dished for the sake of your hopefully peaceful sleep." Kathryn rose from her chair and pushed it in. 

"By the way Chakotay, I washed the sheets on your bed. They're in the chair by the desk." Chakotay nodded.

"You shouldn't have done that. I thought we agreed I would keep my own room." She shrugged.

"It's my place Chakotay. What I say goes and I say that I'll wash your sheets when I want too." Chakotay shook his head.

"You really are something Kathryn." She smiled.

"Appreciate the compliment." She walked over to Chakotay and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"That's for the dishes." Chakotay looked at the glass he was holding in disbelief.

"That's it Kathryn I'm doing the dishes for the next ten thousand years." She walked away waving off his comment with her hand. Slowing her step to a complete stop, when she reached the doorframe of the living room, she spoke.

"Goodnight Chakotay." She said carefully enjoying the way his name was so easy to say and how it so easily rolled off the tongue. She turned away and kept a slow pace down the short hall to her bedroom. 

Chakotay sighed heavily.

"Goodnight to you too Kathryn." When the goodnight reached Kathryn's ears she sighed much like Chakotay did seconds earlier, though she's never know it. She filed her glass with water from the sink and placed the pill on the back of her tongue. She downed the water and dropped the glass in the recycler.

Call in now! If you're the 23 reviewer you'll be rewarded with another chapter...


	7. Three A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

AN: Dude last time I only got 2 reviews... you people need to help me out by reviewing, because honestly I have no idea where this story is going... so I need to be motivated. I WANNA SEE THE ENDING 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol cheers :) 

The doctor sat down in his chair with ease as he listened to Kathryn plead her case. She threw out a number way to big for his taste. He only entrusted her with three, which he sent to her after lunchtime. He knew that anymore than three could be used in an… unfitting matter to say the least.

"You need how much?" He repeated with awe. Kathryn shrugged.

"A weeks worth…" She said, her voice trailing off as if she was embarrassed to ask. The doctor's brow furrowed with thought. Seven times three… 21 pills all at how many milligrams again… he hated this old way of dealing with medicine. He could calculate a hypospray dosage in milliseconds but not this pill business. He knew that the dosage was strong. Enough to possibly cause an overdose if there was an accident, just an accident.

"Why, Starfleet sending you on a mission? If so I wasn't notified." Kathryn shook her head.

"A vacation doctor, not a mission." The doctor sighed with disappointment.

" First off I disapprove…" Kathryn braced herself for a long argument. 

"Of course you do doctor." She said with a sarcastic smile. The doctor waved off her comment and continued

"I think if you're to go on a vacation it should be with loved ones like B'Elanna and her family. Or perhaps Harry, hell even seven but not…" The doctor stopped himself there. Kathryn swallowed hard.

"I see them all the time doctor." The doctor rolled his eyes.

"You make a good point, because I can tell you that it will be a long time before you see him again…" Kathryn glared at him angrily.

"What is with this nonsense Doctor? When did you become so involved in my personal life Hmm? When did you become my father?" Kathryn's face became red hot with anger as she roared on. 

"I'm old enough to take care of myself if you haven't noticed." The doctor's face equally matched hers as he yelled in return

"THEN DO IT. GO ON. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, BUT YOU DON'T REMEMBER HOW DO YOU?" Kathryn staggered back. The look on her face changed from furious to bewildered and vulnerable. She took a few more steps back before stopping. She replied in a startled voice. 

"So all the sudden it's my fault that I can't go but ten minutes in the morning without my pill? Is it my fault that I can't think after lunch without it, that I throw up all that I mange to eat even after I do take it? Is it my fault that if I even want to lay in bed even for a few seconds without experiencing one of the worst feelings I have ever had the horror of experiencing, I have to take my pill at night?" The doctor shook his head.

"Kathryn… I apologize." She shook her head.

"Answer my question." The doctor took a deep breath.

"How? Do you want me to say it's my fault that you visited that planet? Do u want me to say that I told you to talk with the ambassador. Because if you want me too I will, I'll even tell you that it was my fault that your DNA was susceptible to the virus. I'll say anything you want me too but there's one thing that you'll never hear from me. That there is a cure and I hate to breathe those words but its true." Kathryn felt lost in her emotions. She hated thinking about it. She couldn't' deal with the possibility that she might… no she _wouldn't_ ever see all the people who touched her life again. It made her sick to her stomach; then again it could just be one of the other awesome side effects of the pill that kept her from keeping anything down. It had been 8 months since she had eaten a full meal and she never would again. There were a lot of things she wouldn't do again. She sighed, the anger that had been there earlier, had faded to a dull throb. It wasn't the doctor's fault, but it made her feel better to be angry with someone. She ran her hadn't through her hair. After a moment of thinking she headed for the door.

"Forget it… I have enough." She whispered. The doctor watched her walk out of his office.

"You're lying, you only have enough for 3 days… tops." Kathryn smiled half heatedly.

"Then screw the pills… it's gotten to the place where I've had it." The doctor nodded.

"I guess your body will eventually adjust…" Kathryn a laughed semi bitter laugh.

"I hope so doctor." The doctor rang his hands.

"You should remember that the medicine will leave your system in less than an hour after you miss your morning pill." Kathryn smirked.

"I'll never forget. Hell isn't a nice place to be." The doctor half smiled at the thought. That awful day she had forgotten. It was hell all right.

"When you come back contact me… I'll search for an alternative form of treatment." Kathryn shook her had sadly.

"No, an alternative form of life support." She corrected him without a sad look apparent on her face but the doctor could hear the sadness as her voice rasped and he could see the sadness in her oh so blue eyes. The doctor nodded.

"You call it what you want and I'll do the same." Kathryn looked down at her feet pausing thoughtfully for a second before making her eyes level with his.

"Doctor, I want and honest answer." The doctor stood from his chair and approached her carefully. He stopped a few inches from her face before whispering.

"Ask me anything, anything you want." His voice sounded soft on Kathryn's ears. She appreciated his whispering at this moment. She wanted the news to be soft, so it would flicker away easier. So she could erase it from her mind. Then it could no longer plague her. Nothing would longer plague her. It was only that question that was inconveniently fresh in her mind. She wanted to bury it along with an answer.

How long, how long until I…" She felt her voice fade away. The doctor smiled wanly.

"It doesn't matter…" Kathryn looked up at him pleadingly.

"Please, I need to know." Her voice cracked as she whispered. The doctor felt his face feel red with shame. Shame, because this time he couldn't save her. This time she was going to be gone for real, forever. There was going to be no divine intervention, no ship swooping in to save her at the last minute. They were alone, alone in a secret that was slowly killing Kathryn. The doctor closed his eyes tightly. He didn't want to answer her question. As if keeping it from her would actually bring the intervention that he claimed to be non-existent at the moment.

"Why must you know, why must you live under the control of a date which is probably far from accurate. I don't want you to sleep knowing that tomorrow will be closer than today. I don't want to be responsible for your… burden." Kathryn brought her hand up to her face to wipe a stray tear that had escaped her tightly closed eyes and rolled down her ivory cheek. She never managed to wipe the tear away. Her hand felt frozen in place, like it couldn't bear to destroy the tear, like it was a living thing. For the first time in years, she felt that she should have been crying. She didn't punish herself for feeling so. She shivered involuntarily. The doctor saw the goose bumps on her bare skin. He let emotion take over him momentarily and pulled her into his arms. It was at that supposed glorious moment, the moment where he would tell her that it was a dream, when the bottom fell through. He felt the warm body against him as it shuddered. It shuddered with a thousand tears meant to be cried so many years ago. It shuddered with fear and the loss of hope. It shuddered with weakness. Weakness… she was so fragile, so glass like. The doctor rested his chin on her head as she cried into her chest. He spoke ever so softly careful not to disturb her disturbance.

"You know Kathryn… even God has to cry sometimes." He felt the sobs come out even worse than before. Tightening his grip around her he let a few stray tears fall down his face. He remembered the day he was programmed to do so. He wished he could go back to that moment and refuse the installment. A flash of understanding struck him quickly.

"So do holograms." He whispered to her.

"Holograms have to cry to… " It was that instant that he felt connected with her. It was then that he understood that the searing pain rolling down his cheeks was worth it if he could make her feel any better, and all he ever wanted to do was hold her in his arms and stop the pain. 

Tell me!!! What are you thinking?

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back to the old home hypnosis...

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hell talk about the weather

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did I leave you _"hanging"_ again... lol

we's ghetto homie, we's ghetto :)


	8. Tarzan and Jane

AN: LOL don't laugh but this is going to sound corny, i finally beat my old review record!!! LMAO 25 reviews was the old record 26 is the new one. LOL and all of the other people have 40 and stuff... oh well I try :) Sorry this chapter took so long but I've started to write backwards and It's getting hard to fill in the gaps :)

EnjoI

(=/\=)

Chakotay didn't bother wiping the smile off his face. He couldn't quite put his finger on the emotion. So many things caused his happiness at the time. There was only one way to sum it up though. Her. It was simple, he was with her and it was where he wanted to be. The house and the water were added effects but he appreciated them all the more. He had missed the old feeling he use to get on the ship. The knowledge that no matter what happened or what you did you could wake up in the morning and have breakfast with someone, a person you wouldn't mind spending the rest of the day with. It was a wonderful feeling when you could wake up at one o'clock in the morning and knock on someone's door without the fear of rejection. It was knowing you were part of something, anything. Especially a soul, went you felt part of a being. Shaking his head he rested his bag on the hard wooden floor next to hers.

"Kathryn, you never told me this cabin was so beautiful. The holoprogram was nice but this is extremely different." Soft laughter filled the room.

"Are you saying that my holoprograming abilities are limited Chakotay?" She asked playfully. Chakotay shook his head; he didn't want to blow their first hour there. However it would be a pretty impressive record. Chakotay looked her way and smiled.

"Of course not, maybe your artistic vision is different from the vision in the house." Kathryn smiled and patted his back.

"I was kidding, my sister redecorated the house. Honestly she's the artist. I was suppose to help but… well things happened." Chakotay nodded quietly, she meant they got stranded. He understood the feeling or so he thought. He did have nothing to lose and sure as hell didn't have anything to gain. Sighing he dropped on to the couch.

"I've seen you paint before." Chakotay said in her defense. Kathryn shrugged.

"You've seen me do a lot of things." He took a deep breath and looked around the room. 

"I thought we would never get here." Chakotay said dreamy eyed. Get where, was the question Kathryn had. The quadrant, the planet, the house, or the relationship… then again it was technically non-existent. Kathryn pretended to ignore the look on his face, but she saw it. She wonder what it meant but decided not the read into it. Instead she came up with a lame excuse for what she supposedly thought he was talking about.

"Mountain trails Chakotay, get use to it if you plan on doing anything this week." Chakotay chuckled.

"I don't agree." Chakotay smiled to himself as he watched her face silently figuring things out.

"Oh…" she didn't know what else to say to tell the truth. Then again oh said a lot depending on how you say it. She gave up caring about what she had said. There were other things to think about. So many things in fact… she added a grin to match the end of the thought. Wasn't that what he was suggesting after all?

"Kathryn, I'm going to change." The few words he spoke sent her reeling into confusion.

"Cha…change into what?" she said gulping, slowly blowing the chance of normalcy this week. Following his line of sight she groaned. She embarrassed herself over swim trunks… hmmm swim trunks…

"Into you swim trunks Chakotay?" She said beating him to the chase making it look like she was finishing her sentence. Chakotay nodded with a faint smile on his face.

"Yes, care to join me." He said while standing. Kathryn smiled politely.

"Why not." Chakotay made his way over to his bag and tiredly lifted it. 

"Which room Kathryn?" Kathryn stood and walked over next to him.

"Any room you want Chakotay, except the one furthest down the hall." Chakotay raised an eyebrow.

"Why is that?" He whispered into her ear. She shrugged and grinned.

"That's my room." Chakotay laughed and watched her easily make her way down the hall. 

Whistling he checked out the other rooms. Coincidently, the bigger of the two was on the left side of Kathryn's door. Just like on the ship. Laying his stuff on the bed he ran his hand threw his hair. This was defiantly going to be an eventful weekend. He sat on the bed and pulled off his yellow work boots and his socks. He then pulled his t-shirt quickly over his head. Just then he heard a curse from the other room. Curiously he moved to the joining door and opened it.

"Kathryn?" he said quizzically. When she didn't respond Chakotay walked further into the room and went up behind her. He tapped her shoulder softly. Kathryn spun around to find Chakotay standing over her without a shirt on.

"Hi… I… well I… um… forgot to back my swim suit." She blushed furiously; her skin tone really wasn't helping her out. Chakotay started to laugh hopefully at the swimsuit issue and not the look on her face. She watched Chakotay as he searched for a solution to her problem. She almost snorted when she saw his eyes light up with an answer. 

"Replicate a new one." He said proudly. Kathryn rolled her eyes and frowned, quickly shooting down his accomplishment.

"Remember the deal at the beginning of our trip up the mountain? I'd carry the groceries if you cooked? There are no replicators here." Chakotay hit his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"I forgot." Well if that was his chance to prove him self as a problem solver, he'd really need to beg for another chance. Settling for the most practical thing he could find he spoke.

"Well if you need a big t-shirt to use, know that I'm your man." Kathryn smiled.

"I'll be fine, I left a lot of my clothes here last time I visited." Chakotay looked at her incredulously.

"But that was eight years ago Kathryn. You can't actually be serious!" The look on her face chided him.

"What are you implying?" Chakotay shrugged.

"That maybe you've changed… I… I don't know. I'm going to finish changing." Chakotay kicked himself. Never comment on a women's weight that was if you wanted to be able to walk properly again. He shut the door and continued what he finished. He might not have finished the conversation gracefully but at least he knew when to stop himself that is sometimes.

(=/\=) 

Kathryn tied and knotted the last of the strings at the small of her back. She grinned to herself. She loved it when Chakotay was wrong. This time he was way off the mark, not much more than usual. After trying on three of the four suits she found the best one. It was a tank kini in a simple blue color. It was probably the oldest but was used the least so it looked relatively new. The top of the suit rested just above her belly button and the bottom of the suit curved down a bit showing a little extra skin not like Chakotay would actually mind… grabbing a towel she set out for the lake.

When her feet felt the cool and grainy surface of the old dry dock she felt a set of eyes on her but with no idea of where they came from. She shielded her eyes from the sun and looked out over the water yet there still was no Chakotay. It wasn't until the cat call that she got an understanding of were he was. She laughed when she found him up in the trees holding on to the rope.

"Well if it isn't Tarzan." Kathryn said her voice reaching Chakotay up in the oak tree.

"Hello to you to Jane. May I add that Tarzan apologizes for his earlier comment?" Kathryn smiled.

"You may." Chakotay saluted and climbed down from the top of the rope and rested his feet on the dock. Kathryn looked at him attentively for a few seconds before responding.

"Chakotay, in all honestly what compelled you to climb that rope?" Chakotay pointed at the lake. Kathryn followed his finger and saw that he wanted to swing into the lake. This would be fun, to watch of course.

"To make an entrance." Kathryn looked at him with mock understanding on her face.

"An entrance?" Chakotay nodded and walked to the beginning of the deck.

"You might want to move out of the way." Taking no chances Kathryn stepped out of his line of fire. 

"Don't hurt yourself now." She said with a lopsided grin on her face. Crossing her arms she waited for him to make a move. In less than the time it takes to blink an eye Chakotay charged down the deck and went for the rope. After he swung out as far as the rope would take him he let go and hit the water.

When he emerged for a breath he beamed.

"What do you think?" Kathryn shrugged and laughed.

"It was okay." Chakotay shook his head with disbelief.

"That was artistic Kathryn! I'd like you to see you do better." Kathryn smirked.

"Is that a challenge?" Chakotay threw his arms in the air.

"I'm guessing that's a yes…" With that Kathryn walked to the beginning of the deck.

"What will I win?" she called out to him.

"Anything you or should I say I desire because I'll be winning." She waved off his comment.

"You're going down!" She yelled and broke into a run. Chakotay was surprised at the grace and agility she had as she made her way down the deck. Each stride was in a sort of rhythm and her legs stretched out as far if not further than possible making her steps count. She leapt off the deck with height and in one swift movement flew over his head and let go of the rope. Chakotay watched with awe as she surfaced for a breath. She had to be at least six feet away from him

"How did you…?" Kathryn shrugged.

"It's an art." Chakotay laughed as he disappeared under the fresh green water only to be deathly close to Kathryn seconds later.

"Hold your breath!" He playfully warned and lifted her off the ground. With a sly grin he tossed her into the air. It was funny at first but as Chakotay waited for her to rise from the water it lost its humor. She wasn't coming back up, it was then he became frantic.

"Kathryn?" He called out, but there was no answer or movement from under the water.

"Kathryn?" He repeated. He stood there for a few seconds until a body floated up to the surface. hysterical he made his way over to it. 

"Kath…" Her blue eyes flung open.

"Boo…" She whispered. Chakotay stumbled back and fell into the water. Laughing Kathryn swam up next to him.

"Did I scare you?" Kathryn said with a mischievous attitude. Chakotay growled playfully.

"This is war…"

TBC :)

The most reviews one of my good friends has ever gotten was like 108 LOL I know what you're thinking

"dude she can't be serious. 108 like she could be that." Well I'm Going to try hehehe

by the way I'm changing/changed my pen name lol

same stuff though

HELP ME GET 35 reviews at least by the next chapter lolI know how some of you think I won't review she'll keep writing but you know what...

you're totally right but review anyway lol 

and also don't read three chapters then review the last one REVIEW ALL OF THEM

write to you guys soon :)

Rave


	9. Shiver In the Moonlight p1

AN: A lot of people are saying there are confused so let me clarify lol

chapter 1-4 is present 5- whatever is past moving towards future

like a movie lol when it shows the end before the beginning... then goes back to the beginning etc lol.

If you have anymore questions just ask... LOL Rachel man...... soooo much snow its not even funny LOL school, goverments, churches, offices all closed LOL god bless the east coast and the ability to walk to a supermarket LOL

enjoi!   
  
  
She smiled slightly when he shivered in the water. They had been out there for a little while longer than necessary but it was enjoyable nonetheless. Something told her by the look on his face that he had noticed he was cold too. It was probably best for him to go in so she swam around in a few circles waiting for him to make up his mind. 

"Kathryn." Chakotay said paddling in the deep water keeping his body up.

"I've been defeated, scared to death, and out played. I think its time for me to go inside now." Kathryn nodded her head and swam out next to him to the dock. When they reached it Chakotay climbed out and shook the water from his body. Kathryn laughed lightly as she rested her arms on the deck. Chakotay looked at her with an unreadable look on his face.

"What are you laughing at?" Chakotay asked in all honesty. Kathryn grinned at him and took a deep breath.

"Well, it's stupid really…" Chakotay smiled, his slightly blue lips parted.

"Nothing you have to say is ever stupid Kathryn. Speak your mind." Kathryn's grin grew and a purplish blush crept up her face.

"What if my mind isn't in a very normal mood?" Chakotay shrugged.

"Then it will be interesting." Kathryn sighed and took a go at it.

"You remember earlier when you shook the water off of yourself. I was wondering if I've ever seen anything else ever do that. I noticed that you were the only creature I've seen do that besides a dog." Chakotay laughed at the remark and crouched down near Kathryn's face.

"Well some people say that I can at times look like a pup." Kathryn pulled part of herself of the dock as if to get a better look.

"You know Chakotay, I find puppy dogs adorable." Chakotay laughed a little before responding.

"Well every dog has its day, at least that's the rumor I've heard." Kathryn pushed off the dock, back into the water and smiled to herself.

"Go inside and take my towel before you catch pneumonia." Chakotay stood back up and retrieved the towel from off of the grass. He quickly wrapped himself up in it and started for the house. As he looked up into the night sky he laughed quietly. He hadn't seen a night so clear since 8 years ago on earth. It was much like this one. He could see the big and little dipper. The North Star flashed in the sky, it was beautiful and he honestly couldn't think of a better time for it. It almost completed the moment, the mood. Chakotay sighed deeply when he reached the sliding glass doors. Stepping into the house he realized how cold he really was.

"Time for a shower." He whispered to himself and set in search for the extra towels and a rag after he closed and locked the doors behind him. 

No girls, there will be no watching him take a shower....

I know, I'm disappointed too!

There is a part two that is longer but I'll post it tomorrow... :) thanks for the reviews hehehe...


	10. Shiver In The Moonlight p2

AN: :) okay here's part two !!!!!!!!!!!!! lol I hope you like it! It's in between sweet and bitter... you sort out your own feelings lol

She was sad to see him go, but it was apparent that he needed a break. Besides, she had wanted some time to herself anyway. She wanted to revel in the moment of being back at one of her favorite places on earth. She practically grew up here in the summer, when school was months away and it was just her and the open space ahead of her, waiting to be filled with innocent adventures. She laid her arms behind her head, closed her eyes, and allowed herself to float on the water. 

"Tomorrow," she said out loud. 

"Tomorrow we'll go sailing." She smiled to herself remembering the times they went sailing on the holodeck. It was always something she looked forward to. Sailing took her mind off of things she didn't want to be thinking of. It was thought consuming. That was exactly what she needed; she needed to forget about everything that was happening in her life. She wanted to focus on the good things. They might have been few and far between but they were therapeutic in a strange way. Kathryn opened her eyes and looked up at the night sky. It hadn't been so clear like that since she left this place eight years ago. The clear midnight blue sky was a godsend. It brought peace and clarity, another thing she needed in her life. Sighing she realized she needed a lot of things, which wasn't very common for her to admit. She wasn't a plant who required water every once and awhile and perhaps fresh soil. She was a human being, and she needed to treat herself accordingly. Kathryn found it hard to do so, always worrying about others before she began to think about herself. Selfishness is a good thing but total disregard of yourself isn't safe, in fact it's extremely dangerous. Then again it made for an interesting person, but it also made that person hard to love and to care about. Blinking hard Kathryn continued to look up at the sky. The stars from down on earth seemed more like a rarity, something precious, other than a surplus of things that shinned in the distance. Making her feel like it was different when it was all the same. Same view, just a change of perspective. 

"What do you know…?" Kathryn's eyes became wide with a childlike passion. It was a shooting star. Being a veteran of the stars she knew exactly what shooting or falling stars were, space junk to put it bluntly. But it still held the unchanged wonder of such a thing; it still managed to capture the beauty of the universe in such a plain and simple happening. It was still magic… magic she came to appreciate even more. 

"Make a wish." She whispered to herself. Thinking quickly before she lost sight of the 'star'. She searched her mind for something worth wishing about. But in the end she could only find the one thing she never intended to think about, let alone voice. 

"I… I don't want to die, not like this. I want to die honorably. Not like this, sure as hell not quietly into the night." Her eyes followed the star as it burned itself out over some far away valley. At that moment, she felt like the sky had lost its only light. Now she felt alone, without even the stars to guide her. Just like everyone else in her life, there but not really there. She shivered. She was just starting to notice the cold. Wrapping her arms around herself, she shivered again. This time not with the agony of a cold body but with the agony of a lost and lonely soul, this time she shivered with tears. She stood in the icy night water of the lake and cried. Dying a bit each time a tear created a ripple in the water. There was something poetic about it in a bizarre way, seeing as how the moon in the sky cried with her, as Luna let her precious stars fall from the heavens and rain on the earth. Followed by the earth joining in with the saltiest raindrops ever to fall on a human tongue. Or perhaps it was a sensational taste caused by the mixing of Kathryn's tears and the rain. Feeling sensitive to the cold rainy night Kathryn pulled herself out of the water and started for the walk back to the cabin. It wasn't far, but it was enough to make you cringe, each step reminding you of everything in the world you'd care to forget, however can't. Wrapping her arms around herself even tighter, she attempted to make up for the lack of a towel. She shielded herself from the harsh weather, like she shielded herself from the world. Alone and barely. When her bare feet touched down on the stony path she quickened her gait. Taking half the time to get to the sliding glass door than usual. When she reached to door she hammered it to get in. She couldn't take it anymore, she didn't know what she was so against but she was against it. 

"Just a second!" She heard a deep warm voice say, but the voice was so far away. So awfully far away. She pounded on the door even harder. 

"I'm coming." Chakotay's distressed intonation felt harsh on her ears, causing her to beat on the door ever harder. When she managed to blink back some of the tears she saw him emerge from the corridor with a robe on and a towel in his hands. 

"Chakotay." She mouthed from the other side of the door. She watched incomprehensibly as he unlocked and opened the door. She felt lost in a cold blur. It wasn't until she felt her hands hitting a warm soft surface that she managed to be a trace more lucid. She saw his lips forming her name but she couldn't hear it. She watched withdrawn as he grabbed her wrists in one of his hands. 

"My god Kathryn, you're freezing." Finally she could hear him but she couldn't manage to respond properly. 

"Cold… I'm so cold." She stammered as Chakotay wrapped his towel around her and pulled Kathryn into his robe. 

"The body heat will help, just stay with me Kathryn." She nodded languidly pressing herself against the warmth of his body. With her last ounce of strength she threw her arms around his neck. 

"Don't let go." She whispered, and passed out in his arms. He felt her body go limp in his arms. 

"Kathryn?" he breathed into her ear. 

"Kathryn?" When he didn't receive a response he knew that she had lost consciousness. Taking a deep breath he lifted her off of the ground and carried her to the bedroom at the end of the hall. 

REVIEW LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe lol do you guys know how long it took me to figure out what I was suppose to say... 

I wanted to put respond? LOL I'm slow today its the snow!!!!!!!!!!!! PLZ NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!

lol that's the end of part 2 ... the next chapter is cute hehe I finished it already!!!! by the way she was experiencing mild hypothermia LOL science class


	11. Tumble And Roll

AN: Okay then... so here's my chap, sorry I took so long but people now days are way into constructive criticism and it hurts to get a mean review lol

soooooooooooooooo it was my mistake about the whole chap 5 thing LOL so ne way just read it and enjoi 

Chakotay felt his arm tighten around something soft. He couldn't tell you what it was, but he was too tired to bother finding out. He sunk back into his pillow and tried to continue to sleep. Again he was bothered by something in the bed next to him. His unsteady mind tried to figure it out piece by piece. Body… it had to be a body. He could tell by he way it responded when he tightened his grip. The body moved closer up against him. Who was it thought? Chakotay squeezed his eyes shut tight and opened them slowly. He smiled warmly when he noticed the auburn hair a few inches from his face. 

"How did you get here?" he whispered to himself. Yawning as quietly as he could he carefully removed his arm from around her waist. Gradually, Chakotay moved his legs from the center of the bed to the floor. Still smiling Chakotay ran his hand threw his hair took a seat in a chair next to the bed. Looking around the room Chakotay sensed things were a bit different. For instance, that wasn't his bag on the floor. Or, his closet was on the left side not the right side of the room. In all, it wasn't his room. He would have thought about it some more, but his attentions were drawn towards movement on the bed. Chakotay watched attentively as Kathryn's hand slid over the space where Chakotay was sleeping. Chakotay chuckled softly. She was surveying her options. He watched with wonder as she spread out diagonally on the bed, her bare arm over the side of the bed. It's funny sometimes to wake up next to someone you've known for a good number of years. It's like meeting a whole other person. They've never looked so foreign yet so beautiful. Feeling the need to reach out and touch her, Chakotay cradled the hand she so easily let roll of the side of the bed. He gazed at her hand, as it searched for his to hold. When her hand found his she locked her fingers around it. Chakotay grinned and stroked her hand with his thumb. He almost laughed as he noticed he had never touched a hand so soft or delicate as hers. Chakotay observed her face carefully. He noticed how her lips parted gently as his hand caressed hers. Her eyes fluttered open, and then almost immediately fluttered shut. Then she began to stir. Chakotay sighed; he would have enjoyed sitting there studying her further as she slept. Then again she had to wake sometime. This time when her eyes fluttered open, they stayed open and fixed their gaze on him. For what felt like a lifetime, the two stared at each other. It was Kathryn who smiled first followed by a juvenile grin on Chakotay's face.

"Good morning." She whispered coyly.

"Good morning." Chakotay responded in the same tone of voice. Kathryn closed her eyes leisurely and yawned. When she opened them, she motioned for him the sit on the bed. He willingly moved to sit by her. 

"Rough night?" Kathryn asked timidly. Chakotay shook his head.

"Actually, it was very comfortable. I slept well." Chakotay looked down at her.

"Did I wake you?" Chakotay asked. Kathryn shook her head.

"No, you didn't." she lied, but it really didn't matter.

"When did you wake up?" Chakotay shrugged.

"Ten minutes ago." Kathryn nodded and smiled.

"Ten minutes? What did you do for ten minutes in a chair? What ever it was it mustn't have been very entertaining." Chakotay arched an eyebrow.

"I beg to differ, it was very entertaining." Kathryn laughed quietly.

"Then what did you do?" Chakotay stopped smiling and became frightfully serious.

"I watched you sleep." Kathryn didn't answer, but instead studied him, as if she was trying to make sense of the look on his face.

"Like I said, it must not have been very interesting." Chakotay took a deep breath.

"Have I ever told you, that you're very beautiful when you sleep?" Kathryn sat up and leaned against the headboard.

"No, you haven't." Chakotay moved in closer.

"Then maybe I should." Kathryn reacted, moving even closer.

"Maybe you should." Chakotay brushed his lips against her neck and whispered into her ear.

"You're very beautiful when you sleep Kathryn." She shivered, this time not from the cold, or the loneliness, but from anticipation.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"My pleasure." Chakotay responded. Tearing away from her establishing eye contact. Chakotay's lips soon found hers, and savored a long kiss. Again he pulled away from her, searching for permission. It was granted when Kathryn wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his face closer to hers.

"Again." She whispered. Chakotay slip her hands down to his waist and rested his hands at the back of her head. Slowly he lowed her body underneath his.

"Again." Chakotay repeated.

"Again." Kathryn nodded and her lips slightly parted at the touch of his.

LOL eventually they will go sailing I SWEAR but they keep getting distracted LMAO

okay remember to...

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks 

Rave! :)


	12. Nightmares

AN: Sorry this took me so long but I've been busy doing nothing LOL, honestly. One of the days I have a good amount of HW to do and I'm posting. For the first time in awhile I agree with my reviewers, where does this chapter fit in. Well, someone asked about the pills again lmao and i decided I'd write a chap about what happens without them. This chapter is also deals with J and C nightmares. Other wise its a filler until I can get to bigger and better stuff, that's what you get when your first few chapters are basically the last part of the story. LOL learn from my mistakes! I think after some romance and EVENTUALLY sailing lol, we'll start getting into the virus piece by piece. EVENTUALLY remains the key word, so just give me some time :) thanks again lol 

Rave :p 

(=/\=)

She was jolted out of her peaceful sleep by a queasy feeling in her stomach. 

"Not again…" she breathed. The afternoon sun harassed her eyelids. Not wanting to leave the security of sleep she cursed silently at the sun. As hard as she tried she couldn't ignore it. Her body was ready to wake, even if her mind wasn't willing to follow in suit. Opening her eyes slowly, being careful of the light, she woke herself entirely. When she had gained her bearings, Kathryn found herself looking straight into Chakotay's face. She would have enjoyed to continue but her stomach wouldn't leave her alone and she felt like her head was a ceremonial drum. Moaning she rolled over. She had forgotten her pills. Before she could attempt to rise, the effects of the absence of the medicine in her bloodstream, were rearing their ugly heads. She felt disconnected from her body, which for those who haven't experienced the sensation is bad when you're in motion, really not pretty. Fortunately it didn't take long for Kathryn to take back control of her body, but unfortunately it wasn't before she hit the floor. Most times the sound 'thump' isn't your friend.

"Ouch." She muttered as she pulled herself into a sitting position. 

"If I hurt anything its not like I would know." She said to herself. All the sudden she felt short of breath. She shook her head. It couldn't happen to her here, and especially not now. She gritted her teeth with the little energy she had left and blinked her eyes a few times. With all the might she could muster she latched her hand on to the bedpost and pulled herself up, slowly or as she liked to put it _"Damn Carefully" _At first she took regular steps, but they weren't making the cut, so she took smaller and more reliable steps. As she looked ahead she noticed how far away the dresser looked. Frowning, she chided herself for thinking about it too much and pushed on the walls for support. In the middle of the room she collapsed from the painful pressure on every joint. She felt like her body was breaking down inside out, she also noticed that her body was using three times the amount of energy to do normal things. The feeling was familiar but she wasn't use to it. No one, not even the strongest Klingon could get use to that pain. She let out a quiet moan and rolled on to her back. Staring thoughtfully at the ceiling she pondered if it was going to be the object of her attentions for a while. She decided against it when she began to see black spots. She cursed again, this time mentally seeing as how it took too much energy to do it the old fashioned way. She had to get up; she had to get to the bottle before she passed out. She didn't want to have to explain why she was lying on the middle of the floor in the bedroom passed out. Trying to gain a hold of her surroundings she took deep breaths. She rolled on to her stomach. Carefully but with determination she pulled herself across the floor. 

"Maybe Starfleet training really does become useful in everyday life." Smiling somberly she continued to crawl across the floor. Her elbows felt sore from crawling but she could deal, that was if she ever made it to the dresser. The black spots had grown so she relied on the cool hard feeling of the wood to tell her she reached her destination. Taking a deep breath she let her upper body literally climb the dresser. On her knees she reached around for the bottle. Finally she felt it in her hand. She brought it in front of her as quickly as her body would let her. All while fearing she would be too lightheaded soon to finish the job. The removed the white cap of the small, blue tainted container. Pulling out the small white pill, she placed the pill on the back of her tongue and swallowed. She shook her head sadly. She was so use to the pills that she didn't even bother with water anymore. Then again it worked in her favor seeing as how it would take her an hour to reach the sink. Almost immediately all of the side effects had disappeared. Sighing she got off of her knees and stood up. She trembled; she really needed to occupy herself with something. Running her hand threw her un-brushed hair she made her way to the bathroom. If she was going to do anything she had to at least look halfway decent. 

(=/\=) 

It was hard to take her shower like nothing had happened. Especially when she had all that time to think. On a starship taking a shower wasn't just something you had to do, it was routine. Done in the quickest possible way, while you thought about everything else you had to do. After a few months let alone years, you managed to take one using some unnoticed part of the brain. Which left you with nothing to do, mentally at least. So, while the scolding hot water beat on her chest all she could do was lean against the shower wall and calm herself down. Then again why should she be calm? She almost had a breakdown. It wasn't the easiest thing to emotionally work your way through. There were all those ties, making you think about things that have nothing to do with the subject but also everything. The number one thing weighing on her mind was whether or not she should tell anyone. Maybe she could tell Chakotay, if everything continued to go well. By the end of the day she'd have a decision. She wouldn't tell him then, but regardless, it would give her time to plan what her next action would be. Sighing, she turned off the shower. She stretched her arm out of the shower, her hand groping for a towel. When she found it she brought it to her face to dry the water around her eyes so she could see. She wrapped the towel around her body and squeezed the water out of her hair. She smiled with satisfaction noticing the longer length of her hair. Luckily her hair had a tendency to grow fast. Then again it had been a year since Voyager had returned to earth, and even then she was growing it. That was when her hair was blah. Not short enough to be short, not long enough to be long. She grinned again, only this time it was brighter. As dumb as it sounded, this was the kind of thing she wanted to think about, like normal people. She wasn't normal people, but everyone wants to be like normal people… even if they don't exist. Unconsciously she pushed the wet auburn tresses behind her ears and stepped out of the shower. Quietly she made her way out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. Amusingly enough, Chakotay hadn't woken up. Well, at least now she knew something intimate about him, he's a heavy sleeper. She pulled out a black top with some khaki bottoms. Satisfied with her choice she began to dress. It didn't take her long to finish. So she moved on to the next utmost important thing… hair. She wanted to try something different today. She had worn it out up and around the same ways a billion times. She needed some variety. She thought back to a hairstyle she use to use at the academy. Barely regulation… trying to remember how to do it, she tentatively twisted her hair into a 'doughnut'. Right after she secured it she pulled some of the hair out through the middle. She then secured it again and placed the brush down on the dresser bureau. The only thing left was coffee… Before she could properly finish that thought she was interrupted. 

"Kathryn?" A bewildered weak voice called. Kathryn's head whipped around to Chakotay. 

"Kathryn?" he called out again, this time seeming more frantic. She felt unable to answer him, her voice caught in her throat. She watched as his eyes opened and his face displayed emotions of all kinds. 

"Don't you die on me Kathryn… Start breathing… Breathe dammit breathe… Don't do this to me. Come on Kathryn breath… Don't you die on me! Come on breathe…" She had heard this voice before, it was disbelief and horror, all mixed up with ignorant sorrow. Did she ever remember this voice. This nightmare was one she could not forget. She watched it; she lived the horror with him. She prepared herself for the change of his voice. At first the voice was him telling her she had to live… then the voice changed to him begging her to live for the ship… 

"Kathryn listen to me you have to breathe. Start breathing." When he said it, it was more like an order; a command… the tone of voice told her it was for the ship… they needed her. She wanted to obey, she wanted to breathe but it was just a dream… but oh, it had been reality. Then again it did nothing for her now but scare her even more. 

"Come on… COME ON." He screamed. 

"No…" Was soft, as if he had run out of things to convince him that everything would be all right. Then again he had. 

"KATHRYN." He roared, he had pulled together all of his hope, confidence, and fear into a calling of a name. Powerfully haunting. 

**"**You can't die." The last plead wasn't for her life, or for her ship, it was for him. It was him begging her not to leave him. It was him asking her to stay. She felt like a coward. She could only stand there, watching the sweat form on his forehead and mingle with the glistening tears. Every drop that fell down his cheek was painful and paralyzing. She was not without sympathy. She felt his pain, if not more. Every painful tear he let roll down her cheek was easily matched with a dozen more. She had spend many a dark night on that planet, dreaming the same dream. She knew the pain. She wished she could reach out and stop it but she stood there, as still as a statue. She wasn't ready to sort through those problems now. She instead leaned up against the wall for the hundredth time that day and surrendered to emotion. She cried hard for the first time in her adult life. She cried for everything. It was twice as hard as her incident with the doctor and the death of her father and fiancée. The whole was greater than the sum of its parts this time. The tears where sad, and flowed freely. It was eloquently disturbing but with a strange aura of the beauty of the human race. She cried so, that it was not crying, nor sobbing, it was weeping. Kathryn Janeway wept for the first time in her life. She wept, for what felt like as lifetime. When it finally stopped, the weeping died like the last embers in a fire… slowly and only because the fire was put out… the fire stood for the last moan as Chakotay floated back into a dreamless state, a place where he would be better off. Only then did Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, weep no more. It was also then when she decided against telling Chakotay anything. 

See told you its like wtf is the point of the chap, lol then again to make it more like a story its gotta have nothingness in it, think about the last book you read, the only reason it was as long as it was happened to be because of crap like this LOL 

well despite me hating this chap review it

its okay if you hate it i hate it too

but like it is always appreciated lol ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!

(scroll down)

LOL you actually scrolled down


	13. Of Deep Thoughts and Sailboats

AN: In all honesty, I have to say that I enjoyed writing this chapter. This time it wasn't a burden or something that needed to be done... no this time it was fun... like throwing stones at a cop car or taking a dollar under the table from a friend and not counting it as revenue just to screw the government out of a buck... this was fun. The coolest part was this chapter took a while but turned out well, because I'm a movie kind of girl. I'm the lazy type LOL, yet I still keep posting chapters, but that's only because I really don't know the end of the story. It's like I keep pausing the DVD lol. I get an idea from the chapter selection but haven't gotten far enough to really comprehend. Just for the record I wanted everyone to know that I was in between lazy, busy, and tired the past however days. So i apologize lol. 

AN2: to all those people with story ideas... WRITE... I'm sick and tired of coming on to the site and not finding anything there man, its like this... STV use to have 4 or more new stories and chapter updates a day. Now its slow as hell... so get out there and stop being lazy like me and write LOL

alright with out further ado... 

She stood on the dock looking out over the horizon. In her hand she held the empty mug of coffee in her hands. Freeing one of her hands she ran it through her hair and sighed. She would be ready to talk to him when he woke up. At least that was what she told herself two hours ago, and she still wasn't ready. Not to mention the fact that she didn't even believe what she had said to herself in the first place.

"He's going to wake up sometime." She whispered aloud. Hopefully she could buy some time, he had to shower and at least grab something to eat or drink. She shook her head. She knew Chakotay better than that. It didn't take him long to shower and he would come look for her before he ate. So until then it would be the sailboat, her thoughts, and the waves. Already it was way too crowded. She caught a glimpse of the sailboat. When she had first came out, she readied it for sailing. It reminded her of her father and their sailing trips. When she was old enough he use to tell her to 'prepare the ship for take off' by herself. It seemed as childish then as it does now, but it still made he feel special. After awhile she was perfect at rigging the sail and everything else she attempted to master. As she got older daddy didn't have to correct her anymore. Equal playing fields he called it, she knew as much as he did. To this day she didn't believe it. She would never know as much as her father and she fathomed that was the way she would like it. She gripped the travelers' mug tighter. He had always called her his special little girl... Kathryn smiled at the thought. He always knew how to make her smile, even after death. She took a deep breath, she had always wanted to make a child feel the same way she felt about her father. She wanted to be someone's hero, someone's necessity all the while feeling the same about him or her. To sum it up she wanted a child of her own. She shook her head at the thought, it was too late in more ways that one. The funny part was she wanted one now, not before voyager, tethered to someone she didn't love, and as sure as hell not on voyager, when she wouldn't be able to share her heart with anyone but the ship. 

"All the wrong times…" she whispered, 

"All the wrong places, but never the wrong people," She finished. Her attention was stolen from her focus on the mug and her whitening knuckles and given to a sound in the distance. It was Chakotay making his way up the dock wearing a red button down shirt and a pair of jeans. Kathryn smirked, at least he wore shoes this time, the deck they were on wasn't as short as the other one and the fog wasn't always happy to see you. Besides the deck was real wood, real wood molds and gets slippery. Kathryn managed to release her death grip on the mug and waved at him. With all the fog around she could barely see him smile, but she saw it.

"Never the wrong people…" she repeated softly. Laughing she felt Chakotay make his way behind her. When he reached his arms around his waist she smiled contently and rested her head on his chest as he rested his head on her shoulder. 

"Good morning Kathryn, or should I say good afternoon." Staring straight up at him, she replied. 

"Good afternoon would suffice." Chakotay laughed. 

"Good afternoon then." He whispered into her shoulder. She shivered as she felt the vibration running through her body. His voice was deep rich and booming even when it was soft. It was just another wonderful quality to fall in love with.

"Good afternoon to you too." She whispered back, relaxing deeper into his hold and sighing. 

"Are we ever going to go sailing?" She asked playfully. Kathryn felt a soft rumble in his chest. 

"I don't know. I'm actually quiet content right here." Kathryn laughed.

"Really?" she asked softly. Chakotay tightened his grip. 

"Really…." Chakotay whispered. There was a silent pause as they both enjoyed the lost feeling of being in someone's arms. After a few minutes Chakotay spoke.

"You know, we really do have to go sailing eventually." Kathryn nodded. 

"Eventually, which means sooner or later. We can always pick the later…" Chakotay brought his lips behind her ears. 

"I must say, you make an appealing case, but I do believe I've been waiting to go sailing on lake George for a very long time now." Kathryn quivered; his breath tickled her skin. She took the time to get in a steady breath. 

"Alright then… let's go sailing." Chakotay reluctantly let go and Kathryn stood with the same feeling. Chakotay didn't walk behind her, but beside her. He took her hand in his with a tight grip and walked with her to the end of the misty deck. Due to usual habit Chakotay offered Kathryn a hand into the boat. Strangely enough Kathryn accepted and sat down in the boat. Chakotay smiled and stepped off the dock into the sailboat. Instinctively Chakotay reached for the rope and untied it. Subsequently he sat beside her and got situated. Watching with interest, he saw Kathryn pull her longer hair back into a ponytail. Noticing she smiled. 

"Can't have my hair in my face, now can I?" Chakotay shook his head and grinned. 

"No, you can't." Still smiling Kathryn untangled the sail and pushed off the dock. After urging it forward, the boat caught a current in the water and skimmed across it with the extra help of the wind. For a while the two stared at each other silently. The first one to break the silence was Chakotay. Chuckling he began to speak. 

"You would have thought that after all these years and technological advancements, there would be a sail boat with some kind of power source besides the wind." Kathryn grinned. 

"I assure you, there are plenty, but lets just say my mother is an environmentalist. She always told me if you're going to use Mother Nature use it in its entirety and leave it like you were never there." Chakotay laughed. 

"Are you sure your mother isn't from my tribe? She sure sounds like someone I'd like to speak with." Kathryn smiled. 

"Well one day you'll meet her, that is, face to face. I don't think the vid's count. There's always more than meets the eye." Chakotay nodded in agreement. 

"There sure is Kathryn… there sure is." Resting her chin on her knees Kathryn spoke again. 

"So, tell me Chakotay. What do you think of it here? I mean compared to the holodeck and all." Chakotay ran a free hand through his hair before leaning against the inside of the boat. 

"It looks exactly the same, yet it feels a lot different. I find myself paying more attention to the scenery. Things like the birds, and the flowers…you…" Being caught off guard, Kathryn's head snapped up. She saw excitement and playfulness dancing like a strange kind of fire in his eyes. She also saw something else… was it content? Scared to move she continued to watch and wait for him to say something. After a few seconds Chakotay shifted uneasily. What Kathryn named as content soon disappeared and turned into fear, and doubt as he began to speak. 

"I've found myself paying a lot more attention to you…" he said softly. 

"And I was just wondering if, if you. I don't know, have found yourself doing the same thing…" Kathryn smiled slightly. 

"What are you asking me Chakotay?" She said innocently even if she already knew what he was getting at. 

"I don't think I'm really asking anymore Kathryn, I've been asking for a long time. Now I think its time to tell. What if Chakotay told Kathryn he was in love with her? What do you think she would say?" Kathryn tilted her head thoughtfully. 

"I do believe that Kathryn would say she loved Chakotay back, that is if he would say so." Chakotay grinned at her. Always willing to play along. Slowly Chakotay went for Kathryn's hand. When he had it secured in his he laughed. 

"I'm in love with you Kathryn Janeway, always have been and always will be." The weight was lifted from his shoulders. All that was important was said and done. Chakotay felt the long forgotten grip around her hand tighten around his own. 

"I love you too." Kathryn responded. Chakotay laughed. He hadn't felt that good in a long time. There was so much he wanted to still say and do, but this was enough. He could have nothing but this ever again, nothing but this moment and he would live and die happy. Love was enough, for any kind of hunger or need, even the need to breathe. Chakotay put his arm around her shoulder and grinned as she leaned into his embrace. 

"Feels a lot better doesn't it?" Chakotay asked. Part of her response was the slight movement of her head and a few words on her behalf. 

"More than better," she whispered. 

"So much more than better." Chakotay smiled and looked up at the sky. It was a blazing orange like red, with an almost pink sun. Amazingly the sky looked like an empty desert. The clouds seemed to look like sand with curvy lines all around it. The sand like clouds looked set afire. 

"It's going to be hot tomorrow." Chakotay whispered. Kathryn followed his stare and gazed above at the beautiful sky. 

"Its almost sundown." She added. 

"We've been out here longer than it seemed." Chakotay nodded at her comment. 

"When do you want to head back? I remember you have somewhere to go tomorrow." Kathryn sighed. 

"I wanted to ask you about it but I sort of forgot…" Chakotay raised an eyebrow at the guilty smile on her face. 

"What is it?" Kathryn laughed. 

"Some big Starfleet party." Chakotay grinned. 

"You don't seem interested." Kathryn nodded in agreement. 

"I have to go though, this is one that I can't back out of." Chakotay took a deep breath. 

"I'm getting this strange feeling that there is a catch." Kathryn grinned. 

"A big catch really. " Chakotay smiled. 

"So who's the party for?" Kathryn took a deep breath. 

"They're promoting me to full Admiral. Only a few people knew I was half an Admiral to begin with what ever a half admiral is to begin with. Now everyone is invited to the party. Really its not a Starfleet party, this part of it is actually thrown by Owen. A gala to be more exact." Chakotay smiled playfully. 

"Really, seems someone here has a secret admirer." Kathryn looked at him and laughed. 

"Its no secret. Just like Owen says. "Always the best for my daughters." He's not one to hold back." Chakotay grinned. 

"A full fledged Paris daughter Kathryn? I'm amazed at you." Kathryn rolled her eyes. 

"If you must know, I'm not Owen's daughter. He just treats me like I am." Chakotay smiled as Kathryn continued. 

"I'm lucky, after my father got mixed up in the whole Cardassian thing when I was younger, I had basically lost my major male influence. Well, my uncle wouldn't have it. He said that all girls needed a male influence and he'd be dammed if it weren't him. So phoebe and I spent a lot of extra time at the house with our cousins and all. I even baby-sat Tom occasionally. Though he'd prefer it if you didn't tell anyone." Chakotay willed the shocked look on his face away but it wasn't ready to leave. 

"Well I'll be! Perfect Kathryn related to our troubled Tom." Kathryn laughed. 

"Where do you think he got his sense of adventure and humor from? It sure wasn't from his father." Chakotay laughed and rested his head on Kathryn's. 

"Well you learn something different everyday huh?" Kathryn nodded. After another deep breath, Kathryn brushed a piece of hair that had escaped the rubber band's hold. 

"So, I was wondering… would you mind being my date to the party?" Chakotay shook his head. 

"I'd love to, just say when." Kathryn smiled. 

"The party starts tomorrow at seven thirty, that's only because Owen knows people so well. Everyone will show up at eight or so." Chakotay rested his lips in her hair. 

"What time do we get there?" he mumbled softly. Taking a second to think Kathryn nestled up against Chakotay. 

"Five thirty. He wants to make sure everything is to my liking. Frankly I could care less as long as the people I care about are there." Chakotay chuckled. 

"So the decorations are just a plus." Kathryn grinned. 

"You could say so." Chakotay looked up at the sky again. 

"Remember how earlier you said the sun was going down. I just felt like correcting you. Right now, its gone… not a trace left." Kathryn laughed into Chakotay's chest. 

"So are you hinting that we should sail for home?" Chakotay laughed softly. 

"We haven't been steering the ship at all. There's no way we could get back in less than a few hours." Kathryn looked up at him and grinned mischievously. 

"Oh really? I'd day that this would be our dock coming up wouldn't you?" Chakotay took his attention from Kathryn's smiling face and looked to the other side. There before him was the ancient wooden deck just as they left it. Chakotay shook his head. 

"You've got more than a few tricks up your sleeve. One day you're going to have to tell me how you do it." He turned back to Kathryn and Watched as she pulled something out of her pocket. 

"Technology Chakotay, technology." Kathryn passed the device over to him. 

"I just enter a time limit or a destination and off it goes and back it comes." Chakotay looked at her questionably. 

"But you said…" Kathryn interrupted him. 

"I said I would leave Mother Nature as I found it. I never said anything about the boat." Chakotay smirked. 

"Smart, very smart." Kathryn mocked a superior look. 

"Why thank you." Kathryn climbed on to the deck and watched as Chakotay picked up the rope. She smirked. What would he say if she had another trick up her sleeve? Grinning madly she swiped the control from the deck where Chakotay had put it down. After entering a few buttons Kathryn stepped back and waited. 

"Chakotay!" she called out. Abidingly Chakotay turned around but ended up loosing his balance. When he went for the rope to keep him from falling, it wasn't there. 

"Oops…" Kathryn whispered as the rope dematerialized, Chakotay fell into the water, and the rope rematerialized around the pole. Stunned Kathryn watched wordlessly for a few moments. Then Chakotay rose to the surface. 

"KATHRYN!" He exclaimed. 

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU…." She would have heard more but she was half way down the dock. 

"I'm so dead." She said to herself as she speedily approached the house. 

LOL

this chapter had been a little more playful than usual

I like it...

btw don't ask me where the Paris thing came from...

if you really want to know, I can make up some stuff and call it a chapter or a passage LOL...

and about the virus

I'm trying people

but tattoo boy needs to go before i can get into that...

always steeling the spotlight... that's only because that dammed tattoo absorbs light *just did sci homework*

LOL

REMEMBER FOLKS...

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING MADE CLEAR OR PERHAPS ADDED

SAY SO... AKA REVIEW.... 

okay no more caps

keep on reading lol

~~~ Raven... SAGE

ahah trICKEd YOU!!! MORE CAPS

MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH... okay I'm done

bye

*review*


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